Bonus chapter from Maybe Now: Memories

Here is a chapter from Maybe Now that I reluctantly deleted during the editing process.

It’s not that I didn’t like the chapter – I do! But the book was too long and I needed to find sections to cut. While this chapter added some sentimental value and brought perspective and closure to some moments from earlier in the series, it didn’t really advance the plot. Deleting this chapter didn’t remove anything essential to the story in Maybe Now. So, it ended up on the proverbial cutting room floor – until now.

This chapter comes later in the book after Ryan and Chris are back together. Ryan has the opportunity to appear on a popular television show that’s taped in Burbank. (Why? You’ll have to buy the book!) They spend the following weekend in LA and Ryan takes Chris to some places that were significant to him during the years he lived there.

 

 

 

---

Memories

Friday, April 15, 2022

 

At 10:00 a.m., Ryan and Chris were waiting at the front gate of Universal Studios when the park opened.

By 3:00, they had seen everything they wanted to see. As they pulled out of the parking lot, Chris said, “Okay, now what?”

“I don’t know. What do you feel like doing?”

“Well, you’re the one who used to live here. You know the area better than I do.”

Ryan remembered the day in 2007 when he arrived in Los Angeles after running away from home. He took a cab from the bus station to the Los Angeles LGBT Youth Project building in Hollywood. He had several hours to kill before he met with Hal Morris, so he walked up and down Hollywood Boulevard. “I know! Since we’re on the movie-making theme, let me take you to Hollywood!”

He turned south on the 101 Freeway. After a mile, he said, “Look! There’s the exit for the Hollywood Bowl.”

“Did you ever see a concert there?”

“No, I never got the chance.” Ryan suddenly crossed a couple of lanes to the right and took the exit.

“What are you doing?”

“I wanna see if we can get in. I’ve seen so many pictures of this place. It looks amazing! Maybe we can at least see what it looks like.”

Ryan pulled into the nearly empty parking lot and parked. They got out and walked toward the entrance. To their surprise, it was open and they walked right in. They entered through Promenade 1, which took them into the audience area about a quarter of the way up. They were surrounded by rows and rows of partitioned boxes holding four chairs each. Behind that, extending up the hillside, were dozens of rows of regular seats.

Chris said, “Wow…! I wonder how many people this place holds.”

Ryan said, “Thousands. I’ll bet at least 10,000.”

They turned and gazed at the stage. Ryan said, “Just think of how many famous people have performed on that stage. They have a big jazz festival every year in June.”

“I’m surprised you never went.”

“Well… It was kind of expensive, at least for a college student. Plus, I didn’t have anyone to go with. The other guys in the house weren’t much into jazz.” Ryan paused. “I suppose I could have gone by myself, but… I just didn’t.”

“We should plan a trip here sometime and see a concert.”

“Yeah.” Then Ryan lit up. “Let’s see if we can get onto the stage.” He bounded down the aisle toward the stage and Chris followed. They reached the right edge of the stage and easily climbed onto a divider wall and then onto the stage. They walked to the middle and turned toward the vast sea of seats extending far up the hillside. For a moment, they stood in silence as they took it all in and imagined what it must be like to perform to a full house.

Ryan said, “Wow. Just wow.”

“I know, right?”

They took a few pictures and selfies, then headed back to the parking lot.

As they merged onto the freeway, Chris asked, “Okay, so… on to Hollywood?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Ryan exited onto Vine Street. A block later, he said, “See that tall round building on the left? That’s the Capitol Records building.”

Chris leaned forward into the slope of the windshield so he could see more. “Cool. I can kinda see how it looks like a stack of records.”

A block later, they arrived at the intersection of Hollywood and Vine. While they waited for the light to change, Ryan pointed to his left. “A block down that way is Amoeba Music. It’s this gigantic new and used record store. Remember when we used to go into Kansas City and visit all the used record stores?” Chris nodded. “This place is like ten times larger.”

“Well, we’re practically there. Wanna go?”

Ryan thought for a moment. “No. I’ve changed my mind. I’d like to see the house I used to live in and walk around UCLA for a bit. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, sure.”

The light changed and Ryan turned right onto Hollywood Boulevard. “Now, we’re driving along the Hollywood Walk of Fame. See all the stars on the sidewalk?”

Three blocks later, Ryan turned down a side street. Chris seemed puzzled. About half a block down the street, Ryan slowed down. “See that building on the right? That’s the Los Angeles LGBT Youth Project. That’s where I went the day I arrived in Los Angeles. It was a Monday morning. The bus got into the bus station at, like, 9:00 a.m. The bus station is in a really slummy part of town. I remember thinking, ‘Shit! This is Los Angeles? This is nothing like the LA Tyler or Russ Simonton talked about.’ But then I took a taxi to this place. And this is where I met Hal.”

Ryan found a place to turn around. As he passed the building again, he slowed down long enough to take a picture. Then he drove back to Hollywood Boulevard and turned west. “I had a few hours to wait until Hal could get there, so I came up here and walked up and down the street, looking at all the stars. Look – on the right is the Hollywood Wax Museum and on the left is Ripley’s Believe it or Not! I remember getting excited about all the things there were to see and do here.”

“Did you get to see and do them while you lived here?”

Ryan sighed. “No, I never did. It’s like, once you live here and get caught up in your day-to-day life, it’s easy to forget about all this stuff. You know, it’s like, ‘I’ll see it someday.’ Then five years flew by, and those ‘somedays’ never arrived.”

“They’re probably all tourist traps anyway.”

“There were so many things I never saw while I lived here. I was usually focused on school.” He wasn’t sure whether to share his next thought but knew he should trust Chris and be honest with him. “That, and my schedule was usually filled with porn shoots.”

Chris didn’t respond to that. He glanced at the sidewalk. “Geez… there are still stars on the sidewalk. How long does this thing go on?”

“At least a mile. There are over 2,500 stars. They add new ones all the time.”

When they reached Laurel Avenue, Ryan turned left. Two blocks later, he turned right onto Sunset Boulevard. After a few blocks, he pointed to the right. “There’s the Comedy Store. This is the same way Hal took me on my first day in town. Sunset Boulevard goes all the way to UCLA. He pointed out various landmarks along the way. I remember thinking, ‘Wow. This is a totally different world than Prairie Village and Kansas City.’”

“It’s like that famous line from The Wizard of Oz. ‘I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.’”

“Yeah, I was pretty awe-struck by the whole thing. It was exciting and overwhelming at the same time. At least it was for me when I was 17. It doesn’t seem so unusual now.”

Ryan pointed out the Beverly Hills Hotel when they passed it. “I think it would be kinda cool to stay there sometime.”

“Maybe if we come back to LA to go to the Hollywood Bowl, we can stay there.”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe you should make a list of all the things you never got to do, and we can come back sometime and do them.”

Ryan thought about that for a moment. “I don’t know. In a lot of ways, it seems like that chapter has closed. My life is in Scottsdale now.” He smiled and placed his hand on top of Chris’s. “With you.”

Chris said, “You know, we should make more of an effort to see the things around Phoenix. And Arizona, for that matter, like Sedona and the Grand Canyon. After all, we might not live there forever. Maybe someday, an opportunity will come up and we’ll move someplace else. Then we’ll realize how many things we thought we’d see someday, but we never did.”

“That’s a good point. Okay, we’re coming up to UCLA. You can’t see much from the street, but it’s up there.”

After they passed the campus, Ryan turned left into a nice residential neighborhood. He made a couple of turns, then parked his car in front of his old house. He got out, so Chris got out too. “There it is.” He gazed at the house, then looked up and down the street. “It hasn’t changed a bit. It’s just like I remember it.” He pulled out his phone and took a few pictures of the house and the street.

Chris said, “Here, let me take a picture of you in front of the house.”

After Chris took a couple of pictures, the front door opened. A 40-something man stepped out. “May I help you?”

Ryan turned to face the man. “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s just… Well, I used to live here. I live in Arizona now. But I was in town for the day and wanted to see the old neighborhood again.”

The man smiled. “Yeah, I remember the real estate agent telling me that the guy who used to own this place rented rooms to college students.”

“Yeah. I was one of them. I lived here for five years. I loved it. So many fond memories.”

“Would you like to come inside?”

Ryan and Chris glanced at each other, then Ryan turned back to the owner. “Sure. Why not?”

They climbed the steps up to the house and the new owner held the front door open for them. “I’m Jason Tremont, by the way.” He held out his hand.

Ryan shook it. “I’m Ryan Robertson, and this is my fiancé Chris.” Chris shook Jason’s hand.

Jason led them through the living room. “The furniture’s different, of course, but we haven’t painted or changed anything else. Your landlord had very good taste. Especially in the backyard.”

Jason led them through the kitchen. Chris admired the beautiful cabinets, countertops, upgraded appliances, and modern light fixtures. “Wow! This kitchen is amazing!”

“We think so too. Let me take you out back.” He opened the sliding glass door and they all stepped outside.

Ryan took a few steps out and stood in the center of the patio. Everything was just as he remembered it – the pool with the rock waterfall, the outdoor grill built into a long, tiled barbecue island, the tiki bar, and … the hot tub. Memories poured over Ryan. The wild parties. The days he’d come out by himself and float naked on a raft. The clear, serene nights he and Ted would sip wine and have deep conversations about life. He recalled the time he came home from his job at the Pure Foods grocery store to find an orgy taking place in and around the pool and a film crew videotaping it all. He tried not to think about the morning he discovered Hal’s lifeless body in the hot tub, but he couldn’t help it.

Chris said, “I can see where you got the inspiration for your backyard in Scottsdale.”

“Yeah.” Ryan turned to Jason. “This backyard was my paradise. My refuge. The house I have now in Scottsdale has a lot of the same things. It’s not quite as big and beautiful as this, but it’s nice.” He paused. “May I take a few pictures?”

“Sure. If you want some with you guys in them, I’d be happy to take them.”

After they took some pictures, they went back inside. Ryan led Chris into the bedroom wing. “The first door on the left was my bedroom. Hal’s master suite was down at the end of the hall.” He knew he shouldn’t be so invasive as to go into the bedrooms, so he turned back toward the living room. “Jason, thank you so much for letting me see this house again. It brought back a lot of memories.”

“My pleasure.”

“I’m glad it’s in good hands.”

Jason smiled. They all shook hands and Chris and Ryan walked back to the car.

Chris said, “I can see why that house meant so much to you. It sure beat the hell out of my dorm rooms.”

“Yeah. But you know what? Now it’s just a house. Back when I lived here, it was a home. It’s still beautiful and everything, but it seems empty without the guys.”

They got in the car. Ryan said, “Let me see if I can find a parking spot closer to the campus. It’s almost 4:30, so it should be clearing out.” He drove a couple of blocks, then said, “I just thought of something. I wanna go see my old high school. It’s on the other side of the freeway. I don’t know if it’ll still be open, but at least I can show you the outside.”

He drove down Veteran Avenue, then turned right onto Wilshire Boulevard. Five minutes later, they arrived at Westwood High School. It looked the same as Ryan remembered it. Chris said, “Wow. That’s an old building.”

Ryan parked the car in the nearly empty lot. They got out and headed toward the main door. “Yeah. It’s kind of a classic, traditional-looking school building, both inside and out. Since it’s so close to Hollywood, they’ve filmed a lot of scenes for movies and TV shows here. They still did when I went there. It was a source of income for the school.”

 They reached the door and Ryan tugged on the handle. The door opened and he smiled. He led Chris down the main hallway to the principal’s office.

As Chris looked around, he said, “I can see why they’d shoot school scenes here.”

“Yeah. Maybe this is where they came up with that expression, ‘old-school.’”

Ryan opened the door to the main office. The receptionist seemed surprised that anyone would arrive this late in the afternoon. “May I help you?”

“Hi. My name’s Ryan. I used to go here – Class of 2008. I was visiting town and wanted to see the old school again.”

“Well, be my guest, but we’re closing at 5:00.”

“Okay. We won’t take that long. Is Mrs. Rodriguez still the principal?”

As if on cue, Mrs. Rodriguez emerged from her office. “Ryan Robertson! Oh, my Lord, how nice to see you!” She hurried up and threw her arms around Ryan. Then she stepped back and gazed at Ryan with admiration. “Look at you! So grown up and handsome!”

Ryan smiled. “You’re looking great too, Mrs. Rodriguez. You haven’t changed a bit.”

She rolled her eyes. “Well, that’s kind of you to say. But 14 years is a long time. In fact, I’m retiring at the end of this year.”

“Congratulations! Oh, and this is my fiancé, Chris.”

Chris stepped up and offered his hand. “Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Rodriguez.”

She turned to address the three other people in the office. “Everyone, this is Ryan Robertson, one of the graduates I’m most proud of. He was the Valedictorian of his class and gave one of the best speeches I’ve ever heard. He was the first chair trumpet player in our symphonic band and jazz band. And he was one of the leaders of our Gay-Straight Alliance.” The others nodded and smiled. “Why don’t we have a seat in my office? That is if you have time.”

Ryan and Chris nodded and followed Mrs. Rodriguez back to her office.

“Now, tell me all about what’s happened to you since you graduated.”

Ryan said, “Well, I went to UCLA and got a Bachelor of Engineering degree with a major in Computer Science. Then I got a job with a company called Technovations. They develop and test new leading-edge technologies. They have offices all over the country and the world, but I live and work in Scottsdale, Arizona. I’ve been there ever since I graduated.”

“That’s impressive! I always knew you’d be very successful.”

Chris said, “Tell her about the program you’re in.”

Ryan said, “Oh, yeah. Back in 2019, I was selected for their Leadership Development Program. I’ve received a lot of management training and I spent two years at our office in New Zealand. Now, I’m a Project Manager. I could make it to Vice President in ten or fifteen years.”

Mrs. Rodriguez’s mouth dropped open. “Oh, my word! That’s fantastic! I’m so happy for you, dear.”

“All that, and I’m getting married in the fall.” He turned toward Chris. “Remember when I came here to enroll, I had just arrived from Kansas?”

“Yes. You were out here all by yourself.”

“That’s right. I had to run away from home because my parents couldn’t deal with me being gay. Long story, but anyway… Chris was my boyfriend back then. In fact, we planned for both of us to attend UCLA. But when I had to leave home, I had to leave him too. But after all these years – and a previous relationship for both of us – we found each other again. Now we can finally get married and spend the rest of our lives together.”

“Congratulations, dear! I’m so happy for you!”

“So what do you plan to do after you retire?”

“I don’t know. My husband and I are still trying to decide. We’re not sure whether we want to stay here or move someplace else, where it’s cheaper and the pace of life is more relaxed.”

“I know what you mean. I liked living here in Westwood while I went here and to UCLA, but after five years I was ready to move on. You should check out Phoenix! It’s quite a bit cheaper and much more manageable. And the freeways are like night and day different from Los Angeles. A lot of people retire there. Tucson is even more affordable and laid-back.”

“Well, we’ll give that some thought.”

“Let me give you my contact info. I’d be happy to show you around town.”

“Thanks.”

“Is Mr. Scales still the band director?”

“No, he left about four years after you graduated. He got his Master’s degree and found a job teaching at a community college in Irvine. Mr. Perez is still here, though.”

Ryan turned to Chris. “He was the faculty advisor for our GSA group.” He turned back to Mrs. Rodriguez. “Please tell him I said hi.”

“Oh, I will. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to hear about you. Anyway, it’s 5:00 and they’ll probably chase us out so…”

Ryan and Chris stood up. Ryan said, “No problem. I didn’t intend to take up much of your time.”

“I’m so glad you stopped by! I’d say stop by anytime, but I won’t be here next time you come.”

“I hope you enjoy your retirement. You’ve certainly earned it. And be sure to let me know if you decide to check out Phoenix.”

“Oh, I will!” Mrs. Rodriguez led Ryan and Chris back to the hallway. They hugged and said goodbye.

Once they were in the car, Chris said, “Well, you made quite an impression on her!”

“Yeah, I guess. She was a great principal and the nicest lady. She truly cared about her students.”

“I could tell.”

“She was so nice to me when I first arrived. And she stood up for me when that asshole Jordan put Vaseline in my valves so I couldn’t play in the concert.”

Chris put his hand on Ryan’s leg. “You have no idea how much I admire you.”

Ryan smiled back. “Thanks. The feeling’s mutual.”

They arrived in Westwood Village and Ryan found a place to park. He said, “I want to walk around campus a little bit, just for old time’s sake. Is that okay?”

“Sure.”

“Then after that, there’s a place I want to take you to eat. It was my favorite restaurant here.”

Ryan led Chris onto the campus. He showed him Schoenberg Hall, where his jazz ensemble rehearsed, and the buildings where he had most of his Computer Science classes. He led Chris to the track where he and Ted used to go running. He took pictures of everything along the way.

The campus was nearly empty as they walked back toward Westwood Village. Ryan said, “Okay, let’s eat. You’re gonna love this place. It’s called My Gyro – get it? But they don’t just have gyros, they have lots of other Mediterranean food as well.”

When they turned the corner onto the street where My Gyro was, Ryan looked for the familiar sign. “Wait a minute… What the…?” They arrived at the front door. “It’s gone! I can’t believe it! Now it’s a vegan place.”

“We could eat here.”

“Nah… It wouldn’t be the same. Hey, I know! There’s this place called the Brewin’ Bruin. They make their own craft beers onsite. We can order a flight and have wings or sliders or something.”

Chris shook his head. “I’d rather not drink beer and eat bar food for dinner.”

The disappointment on Ryan’s face was obvious.

Chris said, “But if you really wanna go, we can. This is your trip down memory lane.”

Ryan thought for a moment. “I know! There’s this cute little Italian restaurant in Santa Monica called Al Fresco’s. They have this beautiful garden out back with rose bushes and oleanders and stuff. And the food’s great. It’s where we went for dinner on prom night. I went several other times too.”

“Well, okay. Maybe you’d better check to be sure they’re still in business before you drive there.”

“Good point.” Ryan pulled out his phone and searched for it. “Yep! Still there!” He placed a reservation online. They walked to the rental car and drove to Al Fresco’s.

After they ordered, Ryan asked, “Well, what did you think of UCLA?”

“It’s nice. It’s a beautiful campus. I can tell it meant a lot to you. But honestly, it’s just a bunch of nice buildings to me.”

Ryan thought about that for a few seconds. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I guess I wasn’t sure what to expect when I suggested that we go see it. I mean, when I was a senior in high school, I’d go running on campus a lot. Back then, the campus seemed larger than life. It represented my future. And I remember how excited I was as a freshman on the first day of classes. I felt like I had arrived! Like I belonged there now. Especially because I had to work hard to pay for it. By the time I was in my last quarter, I was ready to graduate and move on. I was excited about moving to Scottsdale and starting my job. And then Hal died, and that consumed most of my attention for the last couple of months.”

“Sounds like you were so preoccupied with other things that you never had a chance to say goodbye to UCLA.”

“Yeah, that’s a good way to put it. And after I had been there for four years, it didn’t seem special anymore. It was the norm. Like I took it for granted.”

“So maybe going back and seeing all the old places again is a form of closure.”

“Hmmm… I hadn’t thought about it that way until now. Maybe you’re right. Same thing with seeing my old house again. It’s the same house, but without the other guys in it, that’s all it was – a nice house. And same thing with my high school and UCLA. Back then, they were my schools. Now they’re somebody else’s schools.”

“Still, I bet it stirred up some memories.”

“Yeah, it did. Some good and some bad. But I guess I can enjoy those memories any time I want. I don’t have to be at the place.”

“And now you have pictures. You’ll probably appreciate them in the years to come.”

“It’s funny how I never thought to take pictures of those places before I left.”

“Me neither. I didn’t take any pictures of Maryland before I left. Like you said earlier, they were familiar and we focused on other things.”

For a few minutes, they ate without saying anything. Then Ryan said, “It’s funny how life changes. It’s like the story of our lives is a book, and you don’t think much about it when one chapter ends and another begins.”

Chris smiled. “And it’s like some characters are only in the book during one chapter, and others pop in and out at various times.”

“And the rest of our lives are chapters that haven’t been written yet.”

“And you can take an active hand in writing them so they turn out the way you want, or you can let them get written for you.”

Ryan reached over and held Chris’s hand. “As long as you’re in every chapter from here on, it will be a good story.”

---

I hope you enjoyed reading this bonus chapter.

Click here to learn more about Maybe Now.

Here’s where you can purchase the book in paperback or eBook format. Click on a logo to be taken to the product listing on vendor’s website.

Paperback
eBook						Other Vendors

© 2024 Dave Hughes. All rights reserved.

Photo credits:
Hollywood Bowl: Bruno Delebecque
UCLA: Tyler Zhang